I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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