Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
