I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
