I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize