We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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