and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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