I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
