Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
