I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
