The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize