remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
