In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
