dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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