I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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