There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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