Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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