Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
