Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
