I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
