Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
