Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
