don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
