I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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