I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
