When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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