We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
