My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
