I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
