Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
