I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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