Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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