and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
