I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she peed on how many people?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
