Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
