Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That accounts for only three of the penises
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Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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