i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
