How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
