I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
