Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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