Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
