What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
