my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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