Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
