and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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