he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
