So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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