You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
