I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
