I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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