So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
