I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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