are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
