my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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