you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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