I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
