i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
