Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
