We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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