is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
