The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
