Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
