He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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