I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
