I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
