no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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