He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
