is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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