Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
