He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
