I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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