I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
