It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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