I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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