she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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