I wish I could teleport
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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