i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
