i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
