Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
