Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
